Woodbury Bulletin - 08/20/2008
In my July 2 column, I wrote about what I think is right in our society.
To provide a different perspective, in this column I would like to share what I think is society's biggest problem — one we are facing today.
It is disconnection.
It is the disconnection from ourselves, from our spirituality, from each other and from nature.
It is the disconnection between body, mind and spirit, and the disconnection between our outward success and inward satisfaction.
As human beings, we are wired to connect.
But we are so busy doing things and being entertained that we are losing human and spiritual connections.
We are so preoccupied that we don’t have quiet time to recharge ourselves, to connect with our inner beings, to connect with the high power, to connect with nature.
We are so focused on success and things that we neglect what is really significant and important.
We are so prosperous and arrogant that we think we can do everything and all on our own. We want to be independent rather than interdependent.
Our conventional medicine and current health care (or more appropriately disease care) system focus only on diseases in our body, on medical and surgical interventions to treat illness instead of taking the natural, holistic approach — seeing the body, mind and spirit as interrelated and connected.
In the age of constant digital connectivity and multitasking, we are over-connected technologically, but under-connected and under-communicated relationally.
Technology makes electronic communication so easy, convenient and instant that we prefer e-mail over a phone call and a direct talk. We are losing the face-to-face communication and human connection.
We are more intelligent and advanced, but we do not necessarily have more emotional intelligence to know better how to connect with people, how to deal with people and solve conflicts.
So, in many situations, we simply stop talking and communicating altogether.
We have over-scheduled kids, but under-connected families.
We have so many activities and things to do that we don’t have time to eat family meals together and talk to each other.
We guard our right to privacy and value our individuality so much that we don’t easily share our stories and lives with each other, and we are losing the sense of community.
We might have a hard time choosing an emergency contact for our kids, because we don’t really know the neighbors around us very well and don’t have really good friends who are close.
We might have a hard time finding someone or don’t feel comfortable contacting someone when we face a crisis and need help.
We might have a hard time sharing our real-life stories with our friends.
We might have a hard time sharing our real concerns and problems with our partners, our parents or our children.
Yes, we may have a lot of friends, both near or far away, real or virtual, but how many of our friends do we really know and how many of them really know us?
Yes, we may talk to a lot of friends, but how much of the talk is the heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul talk?
Yes, we may have achieved great worldly success and material possessions, but do we feel fulfilled and satisfied deep in our hearts?
These are questions only each individual can answer honestly for him- or herself.
And I will not be surprised if many people say, “No, I don’t really have such intimate relationships. No, I don’t feel happy and satisfied.”
Human beings are social and relational. Relationships and human connections foster health and wellness in body, mind and spirit, while lack of social support and disconnection leads to loneliness, isolation, anxiety, depression, despair and illness.
As a result of our disconnection from ourselves, from our spirituality, from each other, and from nature, we more or less live isolated lives.
No wonder more and more people are suffering from anxiety, depression, loneliness, helplessness, hopelessness, despair, from physical illness and behavioral problems.
More and more people are paying big bucks to professionals so they can have somebody to talk to and share their problems.
A counselor or a psychologist may be able to help an individual. But I doubt they can help solve this big problem in our society.
I think it’s up to every one of us to try to reconnect what has been disconnected, and to recreate a strong sense of community.
Without connections, we would all get lost in this world.
By the way, I encourage you to go to the Woodbury Days this weekend. This annual event provides us an opportunity to meet and connect with others in the community.
I will be there Saturday, helping at the shared booth of Minnesota JingLun Chinese School and Acupuncture of Woodbury from 9 a.m. to noon, then at the Spirit of Life Bible Church booth from 1 to 3 p.m., and finally at the Woodbury Days Information booth from 3 to 7 p.m.
I hope you will stop by and say hello. I would love to meet all of you personally. Please feel free to share with me your honest comments about this column.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Ask and you shall receive
Woodbury Bulletin - 08/13/2008
“Ask and you shall receive.”
This is a well-known biblical principle. It is also one of the lessons I have learned in life again and again.
Just last week I was helping someone find an article in a journal. Since itwas a scholarly journal, it is not widely held in libraries. And it was not free on the Internet. It cost over $30 to purchase the article online.
After I did research about the journal and found the information, I could easily pass it on to a co-worker to get the requested article in the traditional way through inter-library loan. However, this process could have taken a couple of weeks.
Instead, I “Googled” one of the author names and found his contact information. I sent him an e-mail asking if he would send me a copy of the article. Within a few hours on the same day, I got the response from him along with the attached article.
I was happy because it saved us time, effort and cost.
What happened was not surprising to me though. I was quite confident that I would get what I asked for. I had similar experiences before. Mostly I get quick and positive responses.
I know authors are willing to share their articles, especially the scholars in academic institutions. They don’t have many followers like best-selling authors do. They are very willing and happy to share their publications.
This incident reinforced my belief in the “Ask and you shall receive” principle. Had I not asked, I would not get what was needed in such short time and without any costs.
I have applied this principal in other areas of my life.
I asked for the opportunity to write this column. I got it without a problem.
I asked experts at the national level for information and advice. They responded with advice or referrals.
I asked for better pay. And I got a raise.
I asked for directions when I got lost. It saved me time.
I asked for items in the grocery store that were not on display to the public. I got them at a better price.
Naturally, I don’t always get what I ask for. But the only way to get what I want or to find out the result is by simply asking.
Oftentimes we don’t receive because we don’t ask. We do so for several reasons.
We don’t ask because we are afraid of rejection.
We are afraid the person we are asking will say no. This is a foolish notion.
By asking, we either get what we want which is better than before, or we get nothing which doesn’t change anything. It can’t get worse, it can only get better. We really have nothing to lose when we ask.
We don’t ask because we are too proud.
We have a big ego. We feel embarrassed and uncomfortable asking for something. We don’t want to look needy, weak, unintelligent or foolish. We want to appear like someone who knows everything, can do everything and rely on nobody.
But that is unrealistic.
We don’t ask because we think we are unworthy of it.
When we have a low self- esteem, we might feel not good or worthy enough to ask and to receive.
The fact is no one is perfect. We are all a work in progress. By asking and seeking help, we can become better and more worthy.
We don’t ask because we are pessimistic and negative.
People with pessimistic and negative attitudes like to say: “Why bother? It’s impossible!”
Anything is possible. We need to have faith and be optimistic when we ask.
Here are a few more thoughts to help increase the chance of success.
We need to be generous and kind to other people when they ask for our help.
“You only receive what you give away.” If we don’t give in the first place, we can’t expect others to give.
When asking, we are making a request, not a demand. We need to do so with a humble heart and a humble attitude.
While we should have confidence in asking and hope for positive results, we should also be prepared for rejection.
We can’t expect success every time. We need to accept rejection graciously. Express gratitude when we receive, and show understanding when we don’t receive.
Listen to that still voice or that gut feeling in ourselves when asking. Follow it instead of ignoring it.
Don’t feel intimidated by people who have more power, status or wealth. Don’t think they are too important or too busy to respond to our request for help. Most people are helpful.
It never hurts to ask. It doesn’t cost anything. There is nothing to lose but possibly something to gain.
We may not get what we ask for, but we will never get what we don’t ask for!
When we ask, we can get more out of life. So much more is ours just for the asking if we dare to ask, dare to dream.
When we stop asking, we stop receiving.
So let’s remember, “Ask and you shall receive” and live this principle in our everyday life.
“Ask and you shall receive.”
This is a well-known biblical principle. It is also one of the lessons I have learned in life again and again.
Just last week I was helping someone find an article in a journal. Since itwas a scholarly journal, it is not widely held in libraries. And it was not free on the Internet. It cost over $30 to purchase the article online.
After I did research about the journal and found the information, I could easily pass it on to a co-worker to get the requested article in the traditional way through inter-library loan. However, this process could have taken a couple of weeks.
Instead, I “Googled” one of the author names and found his contact information. I sent him an e-mail asking if he would send me a copy of the article. Within a few hours on the same day, I got the response from him along with the attached article.
I was happy because it saved us time, effort and cost.
What happened was not surprising to me though. I was quite confident that I would get what I asked for. I had similar experiences before. Mostly I get quick and positive responses.
I know authors are willing to share their articles, especially the scholars in academic institutions. They don’t have many followers like best-selling authors do. They are very willing and happy to share their publications.
This incident reinforced my belief in the “Ask and you shall receive” principle. Had I not asked, I would not get what was needed in such short time and without any costs.
I have applied this principal in other areas of my life.
I asked for the opportunity to write this column. I got it without a problem.
I asked experts at the national level for information and advice. They responded with advice or referrals.
I asked for better pay. And I got a raise.
I asked for directions when I got lost. It saved me time.
I asked for items in the grocery store that were not on display to the public. I got them at a better price.
Naturally, I don’t always get what I ask for. But the only way to get what I want or to find out the result is by simply asking.
Oftentimes we don’t receive because we don’t ask. We do so for several reasons.
We don’t ask because we are afraid of rejection.
We are afraid the person we are asking will say no. This is a foolish notion.
By asking, we either get what we want which is better than before, or we get nothing which doesn’t change anything. It can’t get worse, it can only get better. We really have nothing to lose when we ask.
We don’t ask because we are too proud.
We have a big ego. We feel embarrassed and uncomfortable asking for something. We don’t want to look needy, weak, unintelligent or foolish. We want to appear like someone who knows everything, can do everything and rely on nobody.
But that is unrealistic.
We don’t ask because we think we are unworthy of it.
When we have a low self- esteem, we might feel not good or worthy enough to ask and to receive.
The fact is no one is perfect. We are all a work in progress. By asking and seeking help, we can become better and more worthy.
We don’t ask because we are pessimistic and negative.
People with pessimistic and negative attitudes like to say: “Why bother? It’s impossible!”
Anything is possible. We need to have faith and be optimistic when we ask.
Here are a few more thoughts to help increase the chance of success.
We need to be generous and kind to other people when they ask for our help.
“You only receive what you give away.” If we don’t give in the first place, we can’t expect others to give.
When asking, we are making a request, not a demand. We need to do so with a humble heart and a humble attitude.
While we should have confidence in asking and hope for positive results, we should also be prepared for rejection.
We can’t expect success every time. We need to accept rejection graciously. Express gratitude when we receive, and show understanding when we don’t receive.
Listen to that still voice or that gut feeling in ourselves when asking. Follow it instead of ignoring it.
Don’t feel intimidated by people who have more power, status or wealth. Don’t think they are too important or too busy to respond to our request for help. Most people are helpful.
It never hurts to ask. It doesn’t cost anything. There is nothing to lose but possibly something to gain.
We may not get what we ask for, but we will never get what we don’t ask for!
When we ask, we can get more out of life. So much more is ours just for the asking if we dare to ask, dare to dream.
When we stop asking, we stop receiving.
So let’s remember, “Ask and you shall receive” and live this principle in our everyday life.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Teaching my kids about money
Woodbury Bulletin - 08/06/2008
When I was 10 years old, I didn’t have a clue about money.
It is very different for my two kids now. Andy is 10 and Amy is eight.
I think they know a lot more about money than I did at their age. In fact, they even make their own money.
No kidding.
I am not talking about getting money from parents or relatives for birthdays and holidays, for good behavior, doing home work or getting good grades. I’m not referring to making money by doing chores at home either.
I’m talking about making real money outside of home by doing real work.
Before you accuse me of child abuse for child labor, let me assure you that this is not the case.
We live in the Eagle Valley neighborhood. Our backyard faces Eagle Valley Golf Course Hole 17. In the past few years we have accumulated some golf balls found on the course.
Two summers ago, I had this idea of my kids selling golf balls in the backyard for several reasons.
I wanted them to learn about money and be financially literate.
I wanted them to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees and isn’t spit out from the AMT machines by itself. You have to actually work hard to earn money and then you get to spend it.
I wanted to teach them how to divide money for different purposes, how to use money wisely and make good choices, how to save for college and other longterm goals.
I wanted them to get out of the house and have something to do in the long summer days. I don’t like to hear them say: “Mom, I am bored. What can I do?”
Both of my kids are not very talkative. Getting out there, talking to strangers and trying to sell something will help them develop some social skills.
Best of all, they can make their own money for some spending. So, we set a small table in our backyard to sell golf balls.
Andy mans the golf stand and does all the talking and selling. Amy helps out sometimes, but she is shy and not so interested in selling.
Our golf stand hours depend on our schedule, the weather and mostly on Andy’s mood. He will do it if he wants to. So it is totally irregular.
Like every business, Andy’s golf stand has good days and bad days. He might not make any money on one day or make enough to buy a game on another day.
I taught my kids to divide their money into four envelopes: 50 percent for college fund, 20 percent for savings account, 20 percent for spending and 10 percent for giving.
For their birthdays or special holidays, I usually don’t buy them toys. Instead, I give them money.
Andy and Amy are good at saving now. Sometimes they ask me: “Mom, can you put my money into my bank account?”
I opened a college savings account for each one of them when they were born. Two years ago, they each opened a savings and a checking account.
Last year, they used their checking account to pay for their own field trips and yearbooks. Sometimes I ask them to contribute towards some purchases, such as school pictures. I think they are proud to be able to pay for their own wants.
Andy is saving his spending money to buy a Lego set.
I teach Andy and Amy not to be impulsive spenders. They always want to buy something when they go to stores with me. I often say no to their requests. They have to get my permission to buy even with their own spending money.
Sometimes I do let them buy a small item impulsively. It is better to allow them to make small foolish choices now than making big foolish choices later in life.
I think my kids are also learning about disappointment, success, generosity and other experiences in life.
Andy is disappointed when he doesn’t make any money. He says, “I don’t want to sell any more. No one is buying.”
But he is also excited when he makes a good deal and gets extra money.
Some people give him a tip. A few told him: “Keep the change for your college!”
I remember one gentleman gave Andy $5 as a tip. Recently, another gentleman gave him $5 without even buying anything.
Occasions like these are rare, but memorable.
These people are so generous. I am very thankful for their encouragement and generosity towards the kids. I wish I could say a personal thank-you to them.
It has been fun for me to watch my kids work and make money.
Actually, I don’t just watch, I have to work, too. I help them find and wash golf balls. The washing part is often the real hard and dirty work.
Hopefully my kids have learned and now understand that money doesn’t come easily. You have to work hard to get it.
When I was 10 years old, I didn’t have a clue about money.
It is very different for my two kids now. Andy is 10 and Amy is eight.
I think they know a lot more about money than I did at their age. In fact, they even make their own money.
No kidding.
I am not talking about getting money from parents or relatives for birthdays and holidays, for good behavior, doing home work or getting good grades. I’m not referring to making money by doing chores at home either.
I’m talking about making real money outside of home by doing real work.
Before you accuse me of child abuse for child labor, let me assure you that this is not the case.
We live in the Eagle Valley neighborhood. Our backyard faces Eagle Valley Golf Course Hole 17. In the past few years we have accumulated some golf balls found on the course.
Two summers ago, I had this idea of my kids selling golf balls in the backyard for several reasons.
I wanted them to learn about money and be financially literate.
I wanted them to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees and isn’t spit out from the AMT machines by itself. You have to actually work hard to earn money and then you get to spend it.
I wanted to teach them how to divide money for different purposes, how to use money wisely and make good choices, how to save for college and other longterm goals.
I wanted them to get out of the house and have something to do in the long summer days. I don’t like to hear them say: “Mom, I am bored. What can I do?”
Both of my kids are not very talkative. Getting out there, talking to strangers and trying to sell something will help them develop some social skills.
Best of all, they can make their own money for some spending. So, we set a small table in our backyard to sell golf balls.
Andy mans the golf stand and does all the talking and selling. Amy helps out sometimes, but she is shy and not so interested in selling.
Our golf stand hours depend on our schedule, the weather and mostly on Andy’s mood. He will do it if he wants to. So it is totally irregular.
Like every business, Andy’s golf stand has good days and bad days. He might not make any money on one day or make enough to buy a game on another day.
I taught my kids to divide their money into four envelopes: 50 percent for college fund, 20 percent for savings account, 20 percent for spending and 10 percent for giving.
For their birthdays or special holidays, I usually don’t buy them toys. Instead, I give them money.
Andy and Amy are good at saving now. Sometimes they ask me: “Mom, can you put my money into my bank account?”
I opened a college savings account for each one of them when they were born. Two years ago, they each opened a savings and a checking account.
Last year, they used their checking account to pay for their own field trips and yearbooks. Sometimes I ask them to contribute towards some purchases, such as school pictures. I think they are proud to be able to pay for their own wants.
Andy is saving his spending money to buy a Lego set.
I teach Andy and Amy not to be impulsive spenders. They always want to buy something when they go to stores with me. I often say no to their requests. They have to get my permission to buy even with their own spending money.
Sometimes I do let them buy a small item impulsively. It is better to allow them to make small foolish choices now than making big foolish choices later in life.
I think my kids are also learning about disappointment, success, generosity and other experiences in life.
Andy is disappointed when he doesn’t make any money. He says, “I don’t want to sell any more. No one is buying.”
But he is also excited when he makes a good deal and gets extra money.
Some people give him a tip. A few told him: “Keep the change for your college!”
I remember one gentleman gave Andy $5 as a tip. Recently, another gentleman gave him $5 without even buying anything.
Occasions like these are rare, but memorable.
These people are so generous. I am very thankful for their encouragement and generosity towards the kids. I wish I could say a personal thank-you to them.
It has been fun for me to watch my kids work and make money.
Actually, I don’t just watch, I have to work, too. I help them find and wash golf balls. The washing part is often the real hard and dirty work.
Hopefully my kids have learned and now understand that money doesn’t come easily. You have to work hard to get it.
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