Thursday, November 27, 2008

The love letter - the kids’ reaction

Woodbury Bulletin - 11/26/2008

In my last column, I wrote about my love letter to my son which was the parents’ homework assigned by his fifth grade teacher at Liberty Ridge Elementary, Mrs. Lynda Caughron.

Mrs. Caughron has been a teacher for 23 years. More than 10 years ago while working on a project, she got the idea of asking parents to write a love letter to the students in her class.

She had so much positive experiences and feedback that she has kept doing it ever since.

“The love letter gives me the opportunity to learn more about my students early in the year through the eyes of the people who love them the most,” Caughron said.

“It helps to create a special bond and connection between each student and me. It helps to establish a more personal relationship, because I know something special about each person.

“This in turn creates a safe environment for students to learn, to share and to grow.”

Caughron can recall many times when she laughed and cried with her students.

“Kids grin from ear to ear when I read their parents’ thoughts and compliments. It is always a memorable experience.”

I was curious about the reactions from the students. I wanted to look into their minds and hearts and find out what they think of the love letter and how they feel about it.

Thanks to Caughron and her class, I was able to peek into their world and in the process learn a few valuable lessons on how to be a better parent.

Every child wants to feel special, happy, and loved.

Most kids say that the love letter makes them feel special, happy, and loved. I really like some of the expressions they used.

“When my parents wrote me that letter, it made me feel very warm inside. I felt so special. My mom and dad obviously care about me very much. The letter was dripping with compliments. It was an awesome letter. I love my parents so much, and I know they love me just the same.”— Danny Aboyan

“It made me feel so great. I can’t describe it. I was all smile after Mrs. Caughron read the letter to me. I felt happy and fuzzy. It feels good to hear someone praise you. It reminded me that they love me and they always did and always will.” — Megan Ball

“The love letter … made me feel so special. Like I was the only person on Earth that was loved. And hearing those words, ‘We traveled half way around the world to adopt our wonderful daughter,’ just made me feel invincible. And I was reminded how much they truly love me.” — Nichole Dopkins

“I felt special. I was quite touched. I felt a burst of happiness. I felt quite excited. It made me think of how much they care about me always. I might have been a bit embarrassed. My favorite part was when my mom said that I am a very special young man.” — Aaron Duebner

“I was feeling very teary. I just wanted to cry tears of joy.” — Allison Schneider

“When I started to read the letters, I started to go back in time. I held back tears, because I never knew how many good things my parents had to say about me.” —Molly Hickey

“I felt happy reading the letter I almost thought I was going to cry.” — Dominik Ruzicka

“Wow! My parents really really really love me.” — Sam Phipps

Every child wants to be complimented, known, understood and valued by his parents.

Naturally, some feel nervous, anxious, even scared or frightened in the beginning because they didn’t know what was in the envelope or what their parents said about them.

“As Mrs Caughron slowly opened my letter, I was frightened. I was anxious to see what lied sleeping waiting to be awaken. As I read this I had a smile across my face.” — Julie Abjean

“At the beginning, I was very scared. … But then when I saw the letter, I cooled my jets and smiled. They wrote things that made me happy. At the end, … I think wow, they do know me!” — Erin Cheatham

“It felt good. I haven’t had anyone ever compliment me like that.” — Shannon Calkins

Kids feel proud when they hear positive comments.

When parents tell others about the good things their kids have done or the things they are good at, it makes them proud.

“Proud because my brother considered me as his best friend.” — Kyle Walters

“I felt a little bit embarrassed but very happy about some of the achievements written in the letter. The letter also brought back some very happy memories.” — Grant Feuer

Don’t be afraid to make your child do things.

Many parents let their kids make the decision and do what they want. I think it’s OK to make kids do things they don’t like to do, if you think they will benefit from that.

“I know my family loves me! I also know they will always love me! My mom made me start playing softball two years ago. I had lots of fun. She also made me start playing the trumpet. I’m glad she made me do softball and trumpet. I love my family!” — Mackenzie Ryan

I wish I had space to include every student’s response from Mrs. Caughron’s class here. But even just these selected responses are enough to demonstrate why Caughron has used this idea for years and why it has been a huge success.

I hope during this holiday season, you will take some time to write a love letter to your child or someone you love. This is one of the most precious gifts you can give.

I am sure every receiver will treasure this kind of love letter.

The love letter - a parental project

Woodbury Bulletin - 11/19/2008

Being out of school for more years than I can remember, my homework days would seem to be long over. So doing homework was not on my mind when I went with my kids to their school open house at the end of August.

Unexpectedly, my son’s fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Lynda Caughron at Liberty Ridge Elementary, gave every parent a sealed envelope containing a homework assignment for the parents.

“Your homework assignment is to write your child a ‘love letter,’ describing all the wonderful things about your fifth-grader. Brag about your kid to your heart’s content, but please keep it a secret from your child. I will read it with your child at a private conference. Your child will know in early weeks of school that I have knowledge of their ‘special’ characteristics and virtues that might not otherwise be discovered until later or never revealed in the school setting.”

You would think you know your child better than anyone on earth. It should be easy to write about him/her, right? But it was not an easy homework assignment for me, I have to admit.

When you live with someone day in and day out and know that person intimately, you tend to think more about problems and weaknesses. You focus more on what the child should do, but is not doing, and what he is doing, but should do better or differently.

We don’t really take the time to think about and appreciate the good qualities of that person.

When I asked my daughter about her strengths to give me some inspiration for writing to my son, her response was: “I don’t have any strength, I have muscles.” So that wasn’t much help.

I kept putting it off during the first week. I wasn’t sure what to write.

In the second week, I couldn’t procrastinate any longer.

I didn’t want to set a bad example for my son by turning in homework late. And I didn’t want him to be the only kid in class whose parent didn’t do the required assignment promptly.

So I made myself to do the homework. But once I started writing the letter, it wasn’t that hard at all. Ideas kept coming and I ended up with a letter three pages long.

First, I told him that I am very thankful to have him as my son. I listed some of his good characteristics.

He is a nice kid, well behaved and mature. He is a gentle person, a good big brother and a hard worker.

I told him that I am glad he knows more than I do in some subjects. I shared an anecdote about our visit to the American History Museum in Washington, D.C. in June 2007.

At that time he had just completed third grade and was very interested in all U.S. presidents and the 50 states. He could name all the presidents and knew their exact order.

While we were sitting on a bench resting, there was a TV nearby with the presidents flashing on the screen. He named all the presidents as fast as the pictures appeared.

When we were ready to leave, a woman sitting next to us said to me, “I was amazed by how much your son knows about the presidents. I am a teacher and my sixth grade students don't know as much as he does.”

I continued in my letter: “This shows you can be really good at anything you are interested in and spend time working on. I hope you will take that same enthusiasm and hard working attitude to other subjects and areas in school and in life.”

Then I suggested that he set some goals for himself in the new school year and provided him with some ideas.

I could have stopped here, but I felt I needed something else to make this letter more authentic, something that comes from my heart and soul that could touch his heart more deeply. So I continued:

“As your Mom, I have high hopes and expectations for you. I ask you to do things I think are good for you, which are not necessarily what you like to do now.”

“I try to be the best Mom I can be for you, but parenting is a learning process for me. It’s a hard job. We are in this together.

“I know I make lots of mistakes, some I am aware of and some I might not even be aware of. I know I don’t have patience and often yell too much at you for not listening to me or for making repeated mistakes, even though I understand that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.

“I am really sorry if I have hurt you and I sincerely ask for your forgiveness. No matter what wrongs I have done to you, please remember, I don’t intend to hurt you and I love you very much.

“And no matter what you do, I will always love you, because you are my son and I am your mom, forever.”

I spent several hours writing the letter. And before I sent it in, I spent another hour adding some stickers and a picture to decorate the letter and make it more interesting. I was very happy with the end result and felt great that I did it.

I am also thankful to Mrs. Caughron for giving parents this homework assignment.

Through the letter, the teacher gets to know each child and each family better. This creates a special bond between the teacher and the child.

The thoughts and feelings parents share in the letter can make their child feel special and loved. This strengthens the parent-child relationship.

In the end, everyone — the teacher, the child and the parent — benefits from this letter.

(I will write about students’ reactions to the love letters in next week’s column.)

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Room to read, books to share

Woodbury Bulletin - 11/12/2008

Every time I visit my children's school or a public library, I think about how fortunate the kids are in this country. They have books — lots of books — to read.

I marvel at how nice a library can be. So many books!

I am surprised to see how many books each teacher has in her own classroom. All are available for students to use and read.

How I wish I had grown up in this kind of environment where books are so readily available for everyone, rich or poor.

But I didn’t have the fortune as a child growing up in China. My parents were not rich enough to buy me books.

I didn't have money to rent books on the street, as it was common then. I didn't go to a public library. Books and reading were not a part of my early life.

Several years ago when I first read about John Wood and his “Room to Read” non-profit organization, I felt really inspired and still do today.

That's because I very much appreciate the work he does in order to meet the educational needs of millions of children in the developing countries, to have books to read and to gain a good education.

Wood is the founder and CEO of Room to Read and the author of an award-winning memoir, “Leaving Microsoft to Change the World” (2006).

In 1998, Wood was a senior executive at Microsoft when he took a vacation in Nepal that changed his life.

The defining moment happened when he was invited to visit a local school and was shocked to see the poverty.

In the so-called “library,” there were no desks, no chairs, no shelves. The few books available were so precious that they were kept under lock and key — to protect them from the children.

Wood made the decision to come back with books. But he did much more than that.

One year later, he left Microsoft to start an organization that had no brand recognition and no capital. What it did have was his passion and energy.

What started as a vacation in the Himalayas became a spiritual journey, and then a mission: to change the world one book and one child at a time.

Room to Read's goal is to provide educational access to 10 million children in the developing world, to help them gain the lifelong gift of education.

Room to Read strives to break the cycle of poverty through the power of education.

Currently in Nepal, Vietnam, Cambodia, India, Sri Lanka, Laos, Bangladesh, South Africa and Zambia, Room to Read works with rural communities to build schools, establish bilingual libraries and computer labs, publish local language children’s books, and provide long-term scholarships to girls.

Room to Read has several programs. And there are different ways people in this country can help and get involved. One of them is the “Students Helping Students” campaign.

Students Helping Students is designed to further global education, understanding, and philanthropy in the hearts and minds of the students, teachers, and parents who are interested in partnering with Room to Read.

Through this campaign, students can learn about the geography, language, and cultures of other countries.

They can learn about the daily lives of the children they are helping. They also learn to value the books and the education they have, and learn to appreciate their own good life. They can develop leadership skills, creativity, and the courage to get involved and make a difference by helping others.

Since inception in 2000, Room to Read has opened 444 schools, established over 5,630 bilingual libraries and 155 computer and language labs, published 226 new local language children's titles representing over two million books, donated over 2.2 million English language children's books, funded 6,922 long-term girls’ scholarships.

So far, Room to Read has impacted the lives of over 1.9 million children (and counting) worldwide.

Room to Read began as one individual’s vision to share his love of reading with children of a rural Nepali village and has now become a global movement of promoting literacy and education. The organization is now one of the fastest growing non-profits of the last decade.

Wood has been recognized as a "21st century Andrew Carnegie." [Andrew Carnegie helped build over 2,500 libraries in the United States and around the world in the early 20th century]

I think Room to Read is a great charitable project for our schools to get involved in. By partnering with Room to Read and raising funds for its programs, students can learn some valuable lessons and do something good for the society.

Like Bill Gates, John Wood is my hero. He has inspired me. And I know he has inspired many others worldwide and will continue to do so.

John Wood is changing the world. So can you and I.

For more information about John Wood and Room to Read, visit www.leavingmicrosoftbook.com and www.roomtoread.org.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

We’re hooked on high tech

Woodbury Bulletin - 11/05/2008

Lately, my 1999 Dodge Caravan has been acting weird. It really worries me.

While driving to and from work this past week on highway, the interior light — including the dashboard light — suddenly flashed like lightning in a second. At the same time I could hear the automatic door clicking.

The same thing happened a couple of times, maybe a year ago. But this time it happened with more frequency.

I called a Chrysler dealership to ask what the problem could be. I thought the mechanics would be able to give me some ideas of what the possible causes were, how serious the problem was and if it was a really urgent problem that I had to stop driving right away.

But the person I talked to could not, or would not, give me any ideas about the problem or how serious the problem was. He only said he had to do a diagnosis in order to find the problem.

I could certainly understand the reason why he didn’t want to say anything about the urgency of the problem without looking at my van.

But I was a little frustrated that he couldn't tell me what the possible causes were based on the description of the problem.

To be safe, I made the appointment to get the van checked on the same day I called. A computer diagnosistic was done as well as test driving. But no problem was found.

I knew something was wrong. It had happened again on the way to the Chrysler dealership.

But the expert couldn’t find the problem and couldn’t tell what the problem was. Money was spent without the problem being fixed.

I did get some peace of mind and the advice: It’s fine to drive. Just bring it back when the flashing happens again.

This reminds me of something I have noticed after living in this country for a while. Some people rely so heavily on external devices that they become almost handicapped without them.

Let me give a few examples to show what I mean.

I have never seen my grandmother or my parents cooking with a recipe. And I don't cook with recipe either. But I have heard some people here say that they don't know how to cook without a recipe. They can only go by the book.

No wonder there are so many cookbooks here.

This could be a cultural difference, but could also be a generational difference.

Several years ago while I was at a grocery store checkout line, the power went out. It was interesting to watch what happened. The cashier didn't know how to give change without the cash machine.

Now, I am not good at math at all. Honestly, I can’t solve some math problems my fifth grade son is learning.

Yet, I have no difficulty calculating changes using my brain. It’s actually easier and faster to do so than using a calculator.

But in this country or in our modern society, we are so dependent on calculators and computers that some don't learn and know how to use the brain to do calculation.

The most obvious example comes from the medical field. Many of our modern doctors cannot diagnose a problem without medical devices.

If you have a health problem, the doctor will ask you to do a lot of different tests in order to do a diagnosis and find a problem. If the tests can not find any problem, then you have no problem, at least from the doctor's perspective.

A few years ago, I had a health problem with my heart. I felt especially uncomfortable at night. I went to see a doctor.

He couldn't find anything wrong. He said he would have to put me on a 24-hour monitoring in order to find out. That was too much testing for me and I didn't do it. Luckily the problem went away without any medical intervention.

I think a good doctor should be able to give some ideas of what the problems could be and what the causes could be based on the description of the symptoms.

But a lot of doctors now are so specialized in their own areas that they can't see the whole picture, and they are so dependent on medical devices that they can't tell anything without first doing some tests.

No wonder the medical cost gets higher and higher, because we are doing more unnecessary tests.

I remember my old days in China. There were not many medical devices. Doctors didn't do many tests. They often made diagnosis based on their own experiences and their five senses.

They asked more questions. They looked at your skin color or your tongue, listened to your heart beat, and felt you pulse, etc. They could tell where and what the problem was.

Here is a paradox of our modern society.

On the one hand, we are more advanced in technology. We invent great things and seem smarter.

But on the other hand, we become more handicapped and less smart. We only know how to push some buttons and let the computer or other devices tell us what it is and what to do. We are helpless without them.

Meanwhile, if any mechanically talented reader has an idea of what my van's problem could be, I would be interested in hearing about it.

At least I can then tell the Chrysler dealership where to look for the problem and possibly to fix it. I don’t want to drive my van and have to worry about safety for myself and other people.

I still think our human brain is smarter than the computer, because we can think while the computer can only do what the brain has programmed it to do.