Thursday, April 30, 2009

Reach out and serve

We have about 30 churches in Woodbury. They come in all shapes and sizes, big and small, old and new, and in a number of denominations.

While the old churches have decades of history behind them, new ones keep popping up here and there. While the established churches have their own big buildings, the new ones have to use space in schools, the golf course clubhouse or at Central Park as meeting places.

Among the many churches in Woodbury, the one I admire most is Woodbury Lutheran Church, because it does a wonderful job of reaching out and serving the community. I feel a strong personal connection to it as well, even though it’s not my home church.

My daughter went to WLC’s half-day preschool for a few months. I really liked it, but I had to switch her to a full-day daycare center because I couldn’t pick her up during the middle of the day.

My kids had attended Vacation Bible School at WLC a couple of times.

WLC has various ministries to serve its members and the general public. I have personally benefited from its services.

The Career Transition Connection is a ministry that offers advice and support for job seekers. The group meets twice a month. I was there once for a presentation.

I remember another time I went to its “Celebrate Recovery” meeting to hear radio show host Kim Jeffries’ testimony. I like to listen to her "Along the Way" radio program on KTIS AM 900 at noon. When I learned that she would give a testimony, I wanted to hear that and meet her in person.

Most recently, just over a week ago on a Saturday morning, I was at WLC for the Life Planning Ministry event "Longing for simple living.” It provided great teaching and fun activity. I really enjoyed the sessions.

WLC has many more ministries than I just mentioned. It has a ministry to support people with disabilities, as well as Bible Study Fellowship classes for women and MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) for moms.

WLC is a community gathering place. It’s a church that truly opens its heart and door and welcomes everyone in the community. It provides its space to many organizations in their effort to reach out to the community.

For a few years, the Woodbury Chinese Church used the space at WLC for its monthly fellowship. I went to the fellowship meeting many times.

WLC regularly hosts big events sponsored by the South Washington County School District Community Education. I attended a few SAFE (School Age Family Education) presentations myself.

Many people in our area know of or have heard about the Christian Cupboard in Woodbury. For more than two decades, WLC has been a sponsor and providing space for this non-profit organization to provide food and other basic items to those in need.

The service that WLC offers has reached far beyond the borders of Woodbury. Many hurricane recovery mission trips were organized by WLC to help rebuild Ocean Springs, Miss. after Hurricane Katrina.

I am sure WLC is growing and thriving because it is deeply rooted in the community and has a close touch with the public, because it has a giving and serving attitude. When it gives and serves our community in so many ways, it will naturally attract more people to its building and services.

I hope more churches will do what WLC has been doing, opening their hearts and doors wide. Mission work doesn’t have to be done only in other countries and far away places. You can do a lot of mission work right here in your own community.

Every week when I read Woodbury Bulletin, I can usually find something that WLC offers to the public. If your church has a special program and event, put that information in the paper and invite the public to come. If what you do fills the needs of others, they will show up.

In my opinion, WLC is the best church in Woodbury. I feel no other church has done as much for the community as WLC. The church has some wonderful and talented members who love to serve the Lord and others.

For all the things you have done for the community and for me personally, I would like to say a heartfelt thank you to WLC. You set a great example for other churches to follow.

[Originally published in Woodbury Bulletin on 03/05/2008]

Delay gratification for more appreciation

When my kids go shopping with me, I usually don’t buy them things they want.

They’ve known from the time they were toddlers that when Mom says “No,” she means it. They might have asked for something, but they didn’t throw a fit and cry when they didn’t get what they wanted.

Recently, I went to a department store with my kids. This time, for a very good reason, I agreed to give them each a small amount of money to buy something they wanted.

Soon after we entered the store, my nine-year-old son quickly disappeared into the toy department. A few minutes later, he reappeared with a $30 Lego set and a $10 toy gun in his hands and put them in the shopping cart.

“Andy, why do you need another Lego set? You already have too many Legos at home,” I said. “I don’t want you to have another gun. And besides, you can’t buy these with the amount of money I gave you.”

My son responded, “I know Mom, I can use my own money.”

I countered with, “Sorry, you can’t buy them even with your own money. We can consider it when it’s your birthday. Please put them back.”

My son took the two items out of the cart and put them back. Then with tears in his eyes, he walked away from me.

I called his name a couple of times to ask him back, but he kept walking.

In that moment, I felt a little guilty. I almost wanted to call him back to allow him to buy the items with his own money. But I let it go instead.

Later, Andy picked two small packs of candy for himself. As we walked out of the store, I still felt uneasy. I knew I did the right thing, but my heart felt heavy.

Then out of my son’s mouth came the familiar sentence: “Mom, thank you for bringing us here.”

What a relief when I heard my son saying that. The same expression sounded sweeter now than just a few hours ago when he said: “Mom, thank you for bringing us to the library.”

I was relieved because my son proved what I knew without a doubt that I didn’t do him any harm by not giving him what he wanted. I didn’t harm his self-esteem by depriving him of things he wanted. Quite the contrary, I have taught him the lesson of discipline and delayed gratification.

As the result, my kids are more appreciative of what I do buy or do for them.

Whenever I buy them something, it can be as little as an ice cream cone in the Central Park, they never forget to say: “Mom, thank you for buying this for us.”

Whenever I bring my kids somewhere, whether it’s the library, a store, or their piano lesson, they usually say, “Mom, thank you for bringing us.” Every day after I make dinner, they say, “Mom, thank you for making dinner.”

It warms my heart every time I hear them saying that.

My children have learned to be savers, not compulsive spenders.

Not long ago, when my son had $125 from allowance and holidays, he asked me to deposit $100 into his saving account for him. Then for my birthday, he gave me $20 as a present. He usually brings one dollar to church every week without being reminded. I am very proud of him for being a saver and giver.

I don’t want my kids to have the instant gratification mentality which is so prevalent in our society.

Instant gratification has affected every aspects of our modern life. We want something now and quickly. We don't have time, patience and discipline to wait for something.

In our everyday busy life, often we only have time for drive-through fast food. We don't have time and patience to make a meal at home that is healthier for our body.

We use “the plastic” to buy things we can’t afford but we want now. We can worry about payment later. The same thing happens to our reading habit.

We only have a few minutes here and there to read some news and a few articles, but don't have the time and patience to read a book and really enjoy it.

Here is the truth we probably all know in our mind. The easier for you to get something, the less valuable it means to you and the less you appreciate it. The harder for you to get something, the more valuable it means to you and the more you treasure and appreciate it. The more we want, the more we have, the less we value.

If you learn to delay gratification, you will naturally have a better attitude of gratitude.

[Originally published in Woodbury Bulletin on 03/12/2008]

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

No April Fool’s joke

Woodbury Bulletin - 04/01/2009

Since I started writing this column in November 2006, I have not missed a single week’s publication.

I have enjoyed writing every week, thinking about topics to write about and sharing some thoughts with you.

But this column marks the end of my regular column writing.

I wish this were an April Fool’s joke, but it is not.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I will no longer write every week as I have been doing.

In life, we all experience things that are not in our own control.

Right now, we are living in a difficult time. Some of you have lost your jobs — or even worse, your houses — due to circumstances out of your control.

Don’t you wish it were an April Fool’s joke, too?

But in reality, when something happens to us that is out of our control, we just have to accept it, put our energy on things where we can have control and influence, and then move on.

Stephen Covey, in his international bestseller “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” talks about being proactive as habit No. 1 of highly-effective people.

I like his theory of proactive and reactive people, circle of concern and circle of influence.

Reactive people are affected and driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions and by their environment.

Proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli but their response to it is a value-based choice or response.

We all have concerns, those who are reactive focus their energy on things beyond their control. They maintain an attitude of victimization and blame.

By contrast, proactive people focus on what they can do, on what they can influence.

Covey uses a model to illustrate the difference between what concerns us and what we have influence over. He describes two circles.

The first is our circle of concern. The second, smaller, circle is our circle of influence. These are the concerns we have control over either directly or indirectly. Our circle of influence is narrower than our circle of concern, and many of our concerns fall outside our circle of influence.

It is tempting to focus our energy on things in life that concern us. We tend to worry and complain, get frustrated and irritated.

But if we have no control and influence over them, that time and energy are wasted. They cannot be used to change areas of concern over which we do have control and influence.

Reactive people focus on everything they're concerned with whether they can influence it or not. They are concerned, but feeling helpless.

Proactive people react differently. They focus on their circle of influence, on what they want to be and what they want to become.

They're actively pursuing the enlargement of their circle of influence. This way, they shape the circumstances instead of complaining about them.

If we want to bring about a change in something that concerns us, we need to focus our energy on concerns that are within our circle of influence. That way we will increase our capacity for influence.

In 2003, I was laid off due to circumstance beyond my control or my supervisor’s control. Because I had the lowest seniority in my job classification, someone in another office who was laid off bumped me out of my position.

I was not happy about the situation, but I was not overly concerned, because there was nothing I could do about it.

My then-supervisor went out of his way to find a temporary assignment for me that enabled me to still stay and work in my office. Then within two months, I was officially hired back by the same employer and got my job back.

Yes, being laid off was in my circle of concern, but being hired back was in my circle of influence.

Had I been a difficult employee, I am sure my supervisor would have been happy to get rid of me at that time. Had I been an average employee, my supervisor might not have made the effort to hire me back.

His decision and effort to hire me back was certainly influenced by me, or by my performance.

Yes, we don’t have to become the powerless victim of circumstances. We can be proactive to increase our direct or indirect control within our circle of influence.

For people who are in difficult circumstances at this economically challenging time, I hope you will focus your time and energy on your circle of influence and bring about a positive change in your life.

As for myself, even though I will no longer write every week for Woodbury Bulletin in the future, I might still write occasionally for you.

However, one thing is for sure, I will keep writing, if not for others, then at least for myself.

Because being a writer is my passion and my dream.